Old Lady

By Brian Dorrington Jr.

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She threw a lamp at my head. I ducked and it hit her cat.
“What did I do!?”
“You called me OLD!”
She threw her shoe at my head. I ducked and it hit her other cat.
“Will you stop! You just killed TWO cats!”
“Fuck you! I’m NOT OLD you FAT FUCK!”
I catch a glance of my belly in the mirror she cracked last week. She’s right I got fat.
She throws a cat at my head. I duck and it hits her cactus. Cat blood splatters on my lip. It tastes like metal. I yell,
“That’s THREE FUCKING CATS!”
I have to throw something back. I pick up the brick she keeps under her pillow and chuck it at her head. It hits her mouth and
she swallows all her teeth.
She charges at me with the machete she keeps in her purse. She’s so beautiful when she loses her mind.
She tries to say, “I’m going to cut your dick off!” but with no teeth it sounds more like,
“Dim do-in doh cuhg dyoo deg dovv.” Or something like that.
I tell her I love her,
“I love you.”
She swings the machete at my head. I duck and it hits her mother. I didn’t notice she was standing behind me. Now her severed
head rests next to three dead cats.
She swings the machete at my head. I don’t bother ducking. She catches me on the left side of my face. It slices and shatters my
jaw and cheekbone.
It wasn’t as bad as I thought. Her arms must have been weak from all of the killing she’s been doing.
“There, NOW we’re even!” sounded like, “Dere DOW dur eben!”
She killed three cats, her mother and cut the left side of my face off. I called her old. I guess we’re even.
No– she called me fat.
“Hey, fuck you, you OLD—

– Brian Dorrington Jr.