Note: a Troll Kerfuffle is a baked good that half the people served will politely avoid and the other half will insist that some authoritarian action must take place to ensure no one will ever have to be offended even knowing such a baked good exists.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup of indifference to logic (there is no substitution for this, even if forced)

1/2 cup of self-righteousness

1/4 cup of indignation

1/4 cup of capricious behavior

1/4 cup emotional instability

tbsp. of diversion from original intent

splash of umbrage

dash of social justice

just a pinch of outrage for taste (warning, some recipes call for a gallon, use sparingly)

Mix all ingredients together to a batter and begin beating. This step alone may take years to force the batter to submit. If necessary, ask what few friends you have to assist with the beating. Never permit any record of this or any of your actions to occur. If a record does occur, you will have to soften the beating with the addition of denial (currently valued at over $10000 per ounce due to depleted stocks during the previous ten years) or NEWSPEAK (while distasteful at any dose, it is inexpensive when repeatedly repeatedly repeatedly added).

Leave the beaten batter out to rot and absolve yourself from any knowledge of the batter’s existence.

Now the tricky part, the batter must be grilled, at an intense heat (roasting over coals is most efficient unless you care about global warming) all while distancing yourself from the action of roasting. Similar recipes introduce the use of lackeys and scapegoats successfully during this step.

Once fully grilled, the Troll Kerfuffle will be told it is distasteful. All involved in its creation will distance themselves and never speak of it again (of course, until another batch is demanded by a special prosecutor or intensely offended person).

Remember, it is impossible to force someone to bake or eat the Troll Kerfuffle. It is impossible to force someone to even read the recipe. Many will try none-the-less. Most will not recognize their failure.  Most will not even care.

– Andy Betz