After walking a few yards
you breathe like someone
who has slipped across the border.
I am ahead, you are far
behind. There are no rest stops
on this rocky path to the summit,
no hedgerows to distract
our lack of common interests
or silences broken up with ums
and ers. You wear a jacket
of rain and I nudge you ahead with tuts.
At the top, there is nothing
but what a view. We are at opposite
ends of the plateau with only similar
rocks bringing us closer.
– Christian Ward…
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I wake to the rotten-sweet smell of decomposing.
Maybe the smell is just the scent of dread, fear of our first Christmas Eve since our baby girl died last July?
Or did another raccoon die in the crawlspace below our house? Rancid odor, I open my face, wipe my face, eyes crusty, too, and a film of bubbles like peeking at the world through a Champagne flute, the blurry horror memory of giving birth to Jeanette tempered by too many pain pills wearing off.
Wave of grief, I puke in the toilet. Open all the windows and let the fresh air in, banish the smell, the feeling, everything. Flush and flop back into bed, empty.
Of course, my husband has planned to work overtime at the hospital today.…
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The first boy I ever had a schoolyard crush on was Cole. I misspelled his name as “Coal” for many months. In first grade, just before the dawn of electronic filing when everything was still written on cards and you actually had to think about the Dewey Decimal System, I took on library duty with Cole. We were tasked with completing the tedious work of shelving and organizing books at our primary school. You know, just boys bein’ boys in the library.
He was a little blond kid with curly hair. I wish I could remember more about him, but that was over 20 years ago and I’ve taken a lot of meds since then. I remember he was kind to me and that I felt safe and authentic around him.…
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They buried me alive because I didn’t pay. I always thought that was very silly. So he didn’t get his money. Why did he have to bury me? It wasn’t like he even needed it. He had so much of it that it’s just hard to grasp why he went and did me in like that. He had three mansions. The one in England was pretty old and it had a name that ended in shire or ford or something like that. It was pretty in red brick and white windows and looked very European and made of chocolate. He also had another one in Miami that was white and all glass and was on an island where only Rolls-Royces and McLarens were parked—real good shit.…
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I flee city, virus, loss,
spin, re-compass, choose west.
Forest, stream, sinuous, deep,
I camp, rig rod, fish. Cast Gray Ghosts
to the far side, expect no strike.
I begin to breathe, hope
hope revives. Presume zip, nada, zilch,
live frugally, on surprise.
I daydream I die, come back not old,
not spent, eager to learn to fish again.
The sun weighs down, light dives maroon
from gold. Dusk swallows tamarack,
aspen, cedar, pine. Riffles gone to eddies
swirl to black. I trace path back
to tent, the remains of fire,
accept dark coals, revel in the ebb.
– Timothy Pilgrim…
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So, this guy’s breaking my friend’s yo-yo, which has drawn considerable attention since we’ve been in the Maple Leaf Bar on Oak Street in New Orleans. We’re poor grad students. Won the tickets from our campus radio station. We nibbled on some homegrown psilocybin about an hour ago but agreed we felt nothing as we walked in the door.
I merely raise my eyebrows in disapproval when this guy says, “Oh MAN! No way that’s a yo-yo!” and holds his head in his hands as if he just discovered the earth was round. My friend is a kind soul and hands over the red butterfly.
I look at the guy, who’s straight out of the Beach Boys’ Endless Summer soundtrack, fucking my friend’s yo-yo up good.…
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‘Where is God?’ he cried; ‘I’ll tell you! We have killed him—you and I!’
—Nietzsche, The Gay Science
“Botheration!”
Next to Ralph’s name on the duty roster were the letters DP&D—death: pickup and delivery. It was his least favorite work. “Dearly departed” souls are frequently unhappy when you arrive to pick them up. Regularly, there are timing or destination complaints.
“I’m not ready yet,” one might say.
“Sorry, but you have to come anyway; that’s the rule.” Or, “Hell? It doesn’t exist…does it?”
“Uhh…you’re in for a bit of a shock.”
Ralph walked to the DP&D office as slowly as possible. By the time he arrived, there was a long line of angels waiting. That’s good, he thought. It betters my chance of getting only one pickup.…
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