somelucky – April 10 at 9:23 PM

I’m going to bed, I’ve got a job interview tomorrow. Sleep well and wish me good luck in the morning!

hydrangea-spring – April 10 at 9:24 PM

lol nice, hopefuly they hire u! im goin to bed too, night!

hydrangea-spring – April 11 at 10:03 AM

i overslept srry, i guess ur already gone. gl anyway!! i hope you get that dream job of urs!!

hydrangea-spring – April 11 at 12:39 PM

u back yet?

hydrangea-spring – April 11 at 2:09 PM

lol dude i found a super cool site u gotta check out!! lmk when ur back!

hydrangea-spring – April 11 at 8:12 PM

dude?

hydrangea-spring – April 12 at 7:38 AM

hey gm man!

my friends taking me out for brakfast so ill be back in an hour or so!

msg me whenever tho!
bye!

hydrangea-spring – April 12 at 12:21 PM

srry i was out for longer, we went to the mall t people watch

its super relaxing doing that, u get to see a bunch of people and kinda theorize abt their lives
u know it kinda makes u think

like, whats goin on in their lives?? whatre they doing or who are they

like maybe someone has to pick up their kid frm school in an hour or so and another person has jury duty tmorrow
nd like, theyre just bg characters in ur life while theyre main charas in theirs

hydrangea-spring – April 12 at 10:09 PM

hey im goin to bed, gn! sweet dreams dude

hydrangea-spring – April 13 at 8:46 AM

happy friday th 13th and gm!!

i dont really get the whole scary thing abt friday the 13th like, its just a day, rigt dude?
but i mean people r scared of everything

i used t be scared of clowns for like, yars and it took me a while before i could even thinjk of them
but like

theyre just people in makeup and big shoes whats so scary abt big shoes
other than, like

they might step on ur toes while u dance

but even tho im not scared of them anymore i stillk dont want to dance w one the big shoes might make it hard to dance with them
bt anyways lol im gettin food so brb

hydrangea-spring – April 13 at 6:20 PM

u know that new streaming site fox?

we should totally try and use it at some point!!

i think the hp movies r on netflix and u should totally watch them like man u dont even know ur hogwarts house

hydrangea-spring – April 13 at 11:39 PM

gn dude!!

hydrangea-spring – April 14 at 12:02 PM

i just woek up ugh but gm!

give me a vote on how i should make my eggs: scrambled or hard boiled??

hydrangea-spring – April 15 at 4:03 PM

are u ok? you havent been online in a bit

hydrangea-spring – April 16 at 2:58 AM

hey so ive been thinking

uve been offline for too long for it to just be like, ur phone died
and also i know u have a computer cause weve played pc games before and i know u have messenger on it too
so like

where are you?

i get it if u don’t want to talk to me, dw, i really get it but like
tell me if thats the cause, ok?? please
i just dont want to waste time on someone who wont waste time on me so
im sorry dude if like,
i scaredyou off by being too clingy

and sending all these messages probably isnt helping my case lol so just msg me if you know, u don’t really,
want me to message u anymore, and ill just hold out till then
bye

hydrangea-spring – April 21 at 6:01 AM

hey i havent really gotten a response after that and tbh i was considering deleting it bcause, like,
its kinda

kinda heart-spilly or like, gut-spilly
and i didnt really mean to be personal like that dude im sorry but srsly
im probably just gonna keep msging you until you respond because i guess i kinda..
i guess i kinda am clingy? im just like,
im a rlly clingy person lol so, uh, dude,
lmk if you dont want me doin that or like,
block me, thatll worj too lol

hydrangea-spring – April 21 at 11:10 PM

its like 11:11 in a minute and i know wed like
always point it out when we were calling each other, late at night, so here i am

pointing it out again

even though we aren’t calling, i mostly just oop its 11:11
my wish is that you’re ok i just wish for you to like,
not be dead or anything lol

if u are ghosting me for whatever reason and ur reading this but u just set your thingy to say offline, then, Lucky,
im soerry im sorry*
idk what i did, really,

but if like, it’s something i said to you or like

some gossip abt me, like, tell me and i can confirm/deny it if you want me to, but like,
please dude

just lmk what i did, please

hydrangea-spring – April 22 at 12:00 AM

Jyran,

i miss you

and i hope that you dont miss me back because like, i dont want you to feel bad.
and im sorry that i wasnt all that great to you and that your mic’s quality was horrible so i was always askin what you said

but you know, when you laughed

it always seemed to come through clear as day as though it were magic or something, maybe i’m just a dreamer,
but Jay i miss you

and i wish i had something better to say than that i wish i had like
some perfect shit to stay

stuff that people edit over pictures of like, mountains,
and then post on their social medias, but i really don’t have anything
im sorry dude i just

i dont have anything magical to say

hydrangea-spring – April 22 at 12:18 AM

i shouldnt be up this late tbh ive got like,
a morning class today early morning
something abt physics which = ew

ive never been a fan of it lol, u know me, or at the least i guess i hope you do,
Jyran, ive considered you to be a friend for like oh man lol
how lonf have we known each other?? cause like,

we first met back innnnnnn 2013 i think??
so we’ve known each other for like, 6 years man
and ive considered u to be a friend for all of them, and
i dont know what i did, to, like, break a friendship rhat long lasting
but know that i really, really, really am sorry dude just lmk whats going on,
please,

bcause this is eating me up inside and you know my skin tears easily it was never meant for teeth
it hurts and i hurt

even just one message, Jay, so i know you’re alive, bcause im really worried,
i’m really really worried

hydrangea-spring – April 24 at 7:02 PM

hey, the people on the group are gettin worried for u too

i msged them askin if theyd seen you and they said no, and asked me where u are cause they said ive always been closest to you,
we’re hoping to do a guild challenge sometime next week, if u can make it, if not thats totally ok man i get it just like let them kno that u cant make it

u dont even have to talk to me jus tlike, message them instead its ok
and yea once again just like,
lmk if im bothering you at all sorry

hydrangea-spring – April 24 at 11:47 PM

hey Jay

unsurprisingly, im msging u again i really miss you
i miss talking to you over rounds

and i miss ur shitty mic and how it wouldnt pick up your voice all the time but it would always pick up your typing and your clicking
ehich annoyed me like, so much lol
and sorry for any spelling mistakes u know i have shaky hands and its worse rn because i think im going to cry
i dont have any tissues though so ow lol but i guess dude
if this is our goodbye

and this is where it ends then like, i’ve loved you,
and i’ve loved talking to you

and thank you for chatting with me and helping me through the game and tjanks for introducing me to the guild

thanks for helping me figure things out and thanks for not giving up on me except for giving up on me now,
but thanks for not doing it immediately ig, and i love you Jay
and u helped me get through high school and get into my first and second years of uni,

hydrangea-spring – April 25 at 12:00 AM

that means a lot to me oh im crying now srry i feel like,
i feel like maybe we shouldnt have had that much time toether, but nmaybe we shuldve had more
and i dont know? i don’t really know i miss you, man,
and i hope that youre not dead i really hope youre not dead you were 19
and shit now im already talking like you are dead i guess i just dont want to think otherwise?
some part of me thinks its better that youre dead than you hate me and im really orry about that
but man youre only 19

im only 19,

you shouldn’t be dead, man, you we re too great a person
you are too great a person and i miss you a lot
i really really miss you, and,
i guess i jus t
don’t want to admit that maybe i did something wrong. i love you man
please dont be dead, please, and i’ll see you in the morning? night

hydrangea-spring – May 23 at 1:25 AM

i had one of the guild people find your last name so i could search you up because i was really worried, dude,
and

you’re dead,

and i found this out last week and idk why i’m messaging you, because you’re dead,
you died in a car crash heading to your job interview, you know,

you would have been a great fit for it,

like, that job you said was your dream job, and yet, kinda, in some way, that job killed you? man,
you were gonna be a journalist,

and you were gonna be the one reporting on deaths not not being the one in the articles about deaths except to like have your name as the author,
and Jyran, man, im so sorry,
im so sorry

i’m really so sorry for what happened to you even though i know it isn’t my fault, but some part of me feels like there was something, you know,
something, however tiny it was, that i could have done,
like,

if i woke up early enough

and we were chatting before you left and i accidentally made you leave the house a minute later,
maybe that car would have missed you, or like,
you would have taken a different taxi, or ended up taking a bus,
instead of getting in that taxi and dying on me, you died,
and you died and im so sorry that i didn’t know, i’m so sorry that i wasn’t able to prevent it,

i miss you and your bad mic and your character decked out in guild-specific armour and i miss staying up late with you and making a wish at 11:11
i miss you so much i love you a lot,
and i’m sorry that in the six years we knew each other i never told you.
i love you

– Ava Wetzel

Author’s Note: “somelucky” is a piece that’s based on my own anxieties and paranoia regarding online friendships. When people take a while to reply, I, due to being highly anxious, tend to assume that they’re dead or otherwise injured. I was waiting for someone to reply when I wrote this in an attempt to get all of my fears about it out and to express how I felt. Thankfully, they did reply, but I’m still glad that I got a piece of writing out of it.