Dawn’s heart beat for the first time in nearly a decade. Why am I here? She takes in the expressions of surprise on the nurse’s face. The woman hurriedly pages the doctor.  The patient feels enormous pain when lifting her hand to touch her face. It takes an effort. She feels gauze surrounding her face. She remembers that day. She hears the laughter and shouts and views the feet of rage which stomps her face.

It began uneventfully and a nudge from a friend turned into senseless violence. She tried to ward off the blows but there were too many of them. She struck two girls and one ripped out her braids before she fell. Their furious faces, especially the one she thought was her friend and believed had her back. She was one of what seemed like numerous teens engaging in large group fight.

“Oh my God I knew you would come back to us” her mom confesses. Her parents are relieved and older.  Her mother’s cheeks are sunken and her eyes appear vacant. Dark circles and lines leave a statement. Her father’s hair is gray. The doctors enter the room. He shines a light in her stinging eyes. She is exhausted.

Dawn has wronged people. Been a bully. Wrote on a classmate’s wall that her selfie is ugly. Encourages her group of friends to do the same. The mean girls picked a pretty girl to ambush each month. The bullied would be isolated.

She noticed the boys giving the target  lustful stares especially the one she liked . She had to be taken down a notch. They created a Facebook page dedicated to hating her . Spread vicious gossip that she had an STD even though she was a virgin. One victim suffers from depression and throws herself in front of traffic.

These deeds come swooping through her head.  The visions of  that sweet junior girl crying in her room. The mother too consumed with her love life that she fails to notice her daughter’s distress. The poor child remains confined in her room with her loyal orange tabby as her companion. The feline’s purrs soothe her. She does not feel alone. The harsh words and pointed stares are forgotten in that moment.

For almost a decade  She relived the despair of the suicidal teen. When hope was lost and what was left was the comfort of knowing there will be no more suffering.

Dawn made sure she was quickly forgotten. For she had found another student to harass. Young Starr was not forgotten by her family. The patient was injected with their pain for a girl one too soon.

The mean girl also sees her boyfriend move on with the girl who betrayed her. Her nightmares

are a repetitive series of retaliation. She watches as they cuddle playing video games. Stolen kisses at the end of each round. After her hospitalization she was the hot topic for the week until a pregnancy snatched the spotlight. The two were cheating behind her back longer than she expected.

 Experiencing remorse, she begins sobbing. Bawling because she cannot possibly bear to explain this to her parents. They mistake her tears for excruciating pain instead of the guilt surging through her.

– Andrea Smith

Note: This piece was previously published in Rigorous.