Jo-Jo entered commercial establishments sideways, facing right.  He hailed taxis with his right arm.  During company staff meetings, he planted himself in the end seat, POV starboard.  Did Jo-Jo have a psychological problem?  OCD? Did an animal eat the left side of his face?  Answer: No.  Jo-Jo was a mixed-race baby.  But not in the way you would think. He is racially divided down the middle. Entire right side, head to toe, white. Left side, Black.  Body parts, even-steven.

So why did Jo-Jo’s white right precede the rest of him?  He found that people are more likely to take him seriously.  Or even take him at all. This is not a practice he pulled out of his nether region, but the result of twenty-five years of societal experience.  Let’s rewind to his debut.

Jo-Jo’s Caucasian mother Felice, legs stirruped, face magenta hot, vocal chords unleashing expletives, struggled to squeeze our boy out. The recipient of those four-letter bombs was Roy, Felice’s terrified Black husband, who supportively squeezed her hand. Problem: Jo-Jo was breech. Feet first.

As one pale leg emerged, the doc assured the couple that the exit was looking good. When a dark-skinned limb followed, the doc passed out and the nurse ran screaming, leaving Felice and Roy to respectively push/pull the poor little guy into the world.  A world that wouldn’t know what to make of him. Nor he of it.

In college, Jo-Jo was the only Black student. Even if partially.  Students to his left wouldn’t give him a glance.  Those to his right:  Party invites, study-group memberships, shared gossip.  It was even more complicated. Jo-Jo’s lighter side ear heard grumblings that his darker half gained entrance to the university only because of an affirmative action quota. But what of his top one-percent grade point average? According to their pretzel logic…all right-side generated.

One morning in class, Gennyphur, a Caucasian student startled Jo-Jo by approaching from the left. But she acted naturally, and stayed.  Since Gennyphur, whose wardrobe of hand-painted jeans and combat boots was considered an uber-cool trendsetter, some students also turned up on Jo-Jo’s left. He didn’t know what to make of it. But in that moment, it really didn’t matter. As they video-gamed, bar-crawled and cafeteria-tabled together, Jo-Jo’s left reveled in the thrill of acceptance. 

However, it didn’t last long. When Gennyphur didn’t show up for class, Jo-Jo learned that she transferred to another school.  Her sycophants promptly moved back to Jo-Jo’s right, leaving his left again unbefriended and resented. The abrupt termination of his taste of color embrace left Jo-Jo in a dumpster of disheartenment. Worse than if Gennyphur had never happened.

Despite the setback, Jo-Jo determinedly finished at the top of his class, proving both of his shades worthy.  But at graduation, when his right side was chosen to give the valedictory speech, Jo-Jo decided if there ever was a time, it was now.  He stunned fellow graduates by leading with his left.  The power of his words rendered the speech-goers speechless. Except for the standing O, that is.  Exhilarated, Jo-Jo was sure his breakthrough would change the left, right, Black, white conundrum forever.

Unfortunately, the rest of life’s status was still quo.  And this is where we came in. Business world pointing white and right.  Opposite side kept out of sight.  As the weekly staff meeting was about to begin, with Jo-Jo back to facing three o’clock, someone approached his nine o’clock.  Gennyphur!  She was hired at the company. But Jo-Jo was not exactly celebratory.  Still vivid was she abandoning him in college.  Genn came clean.  She didn’t transfer. She was asked to leave. Befuddled, Jo-Jo awaited an explanation. Gennyphur blurted “Men’s room or ladies room, pick one?”  

After entering the men’s room and checking the stalls, Gennyphur began undoing her stylish silk button fly trousers.  Jo-Jo tried for the exit, but she wedged him in and let her pants drop to the uninviting tile floor, revealing that the bottom half of her…is Black.  You could have knocked Jo-Jo over with a child’s exhale.  “I never mentioned the bottom half on my college entrance application.  Did the same here too.  I guess half of us is always gonna be one-half too many for them. But now, Jo-Jo, we’re both here. So what do you say we finish what I heard you started in college?” 

They clasped hands, exited the men’s room, she pantless, and headed to the staff meeting.  Actually, not true. But it would’ve been a cool way to do it. In reality, starting the next day, Gennyphur wore only skirts to work, proudly revealing her truth.  And the two launched into their mission: to correct hundreds of years of injustice and help create an all-inclusive, tone-friendly world.

Not true either. Fact is, they laced the staff meeting coffee with laxatives and the donuts with THC. It was fun watching who got which. And then they quit to start their own business.

– George Beckerman