undercover like
the backs of my legs in stockings
black soft in memory

weren’t you just saying
you were afraid?
I should have kept the transcript

I did keep the transcript
but I’m too embarrassed
to tell you

it isn’t normal
to save such little moments
make of chair

urine sample locked
behind small window
getaway car in the back corner

this parking lot
is too large
which is so rarely the case

there are plants
slacking at the curbs
certain seaboard leaves

I know where to go
to dig out crabs
the size of your thumbnail

is that worth
employment
I have no odd piercings

you’re sort of amazing
oh good lord
not this already

now you can say it back
next time
I’ve done something

impressive or whatever
did I mention the crabs
I have chesapeake in my blood

o bay o peninsula
sorry I’m not usually this
let me not lie right now

I’m so this I pull threads
every day
pick open every wrong

swipe myself across
until the fluids make
a starfish shape

how could I have
tried to be more
like you

was I quiet long enough
for you
to fall for it

– Lauren Bender

Author’s Note: I’m terrible at job interviews because I find it almost impossible to put on any kind of front or sell myself. I’ve had interviews where I was asked if I had particular skills and I flat-out said no (and, strangely enough, still got offered some of those jobs). This poem is exploring that uncomfortable back and forth of trying to be “the ideal candidate” and authentic at the same time.