The parking lot was empty. It usually was when I got here. I smoked a cigarette until the rest of the guys arrived. My headlights lit up the marsh.

“Hey man, quit sitting around. Frank said the last guy to the dock has to wash down the boat today.”

“Good morning to you too, Danny. And it looks like we might be too late to avoid that.” “Damn it! This is like my fourth day in a row! Come on, get out of your damn truck.”

“Stop yelling. It’s too early.” I hopped out of my truck and threw my cigarette on the pavement.

“Hey you dropped … Woah academic probation?” I snatched the paper out of Danny’s hand. Balled it up. And tossed it into the open window of my truck.

“It’s nothing.”

“Does Gerri know about … Hey! Stop! I’m not washing down the damn boat!” I slowed near the end of the dock. “Mornin’ Frank.”

“Mornin’ Mikey, go help Josh with the lines. Damn it, Danny! Slow your ass down! And you’re on wash duty later.”

The sun began to rise over the bay. I squinted my eyes and hauled the next pot out of the water. The waves slapped the side of the boat. I dumped the crabs into the bucket and filled the pot with bait before tossing it back into the bay.

“Hey, you gotta toss that one.”

“Nah, it’s a keeper.” Danny continued sorting.

“It’s like half an inch too small. Use the damn ruler. It’s Frank’s license, not yours.” I reached over and threw the crab back into the bay. I pulled the next pot.

“You’re not gonna lose your scholarship or anything right?” “Where the hell is that coming from?”

“That letter.”

“It’s really not a big deal.” “I don’t know man.”

“Seriously. It’s fine.”

“Okay. I’m just tryna be a good friend.” “Mhm.”

I pulled the next pot.

“So, you heard anything from Michelle? I heard she was in town.” “Nah.”

“Nah, you haven’t heard anything or nah she’s not in town.” “Nah to both.”

I threw the pot back into the bay.

“Billy said he saw her in the Food Lion.” “She left already. Only here for a week.” I pulled the pot and dumped it.

“Oh. Well, have you tried to call her or anything?” “Yeah.”

“And?”

I threw the pot into the bay.

“And, you need to focus on your job and stop asking so many damn questions.” I tossed a crab Danny had missed.

“I’ll take that as a ‘she didn’t call you back.’” “Can we try working in silence?”

I pulled the next pot out of the bay.

*********************************************************************************************

My vision blurred as I lit another cigarette. I rolled down the window a little more. I took a deep drag and pulled up to the curb where Gerri sat waiting. She snuffed out her own cigarette and then climbed into my truck.

“Sorry, I’m late. Didn’t get your text ‘til forty minutes ago.”

“It’s fine,” she shrugged. “How was it today?” I took another drag from my cigarette.

“Fine. Looked like someone got into a couple of the pots. Frank’ll be raisin’ hell about it. But the crabs looked pretty good. Not too many we had to get rid of. You know how it’s been recently with all that.”

Gerri nodded and turned towards the marsh. She liked the marsh. Never wanted to leave. Mom used to take us out to catch red swamp crawfish and gig frogs. We’d go out at dusk when the hot summer days began to cool. It was fun.

“Aren’t you gonna ask me how my day went? That’s known as common courtesy, y’know.” “I’m good. Pretty sure I already know how it panned out.”

“I’m surprised you have any friends in the city with that attitude.” “It’s a wonder.”

She sighed, reached for the pack of American Spirits sitting in my cup holder. She held out her hand towards me. I reached down into the side of my door and handed her the light. The orange glow reflected in the windshield. A ghostly light hanging above the marsh. It disappeared as she snapped the lighter closed and tossed it into the floor of my truck.

“They’re releasing him in two days. Liver is still holding on somehow.” “Figures. That bastard won’t ever die. He’ll just keep barely living.”

“You’re gonna have to pick him up … Don’t give me that look, Mikey. I have to work a double that day and asshole Paul pretty much said I was fired the next time I messed up. So, you’re gonna pick him up and everything will be fine.”

“Fine.”

*********************************************************************************************

I stood there in the corridor of the county hospital. My head pounded. I’d been waiting about two hours now. They had asked me if I wanted to go back while they got him.

I didn’t.

I needed a cigarette.

The double doors to the left side of the hallway swung open, as my dad shuffled through with the aid of his nurse. He looked the same as always, old.

“There’s your son, Mr. Tarr. I told you he was waiting right outside. It’s good to see you again, Mikey.” My dad’s nurse led him over to me and handed him off. My hand looped around his upper arm. I could feel the bone through his sagging skin.

He didn’t look at me as I led him out to my truck. I opened the passenger side door and turned to help him up into the seat. He smacked my hands away.

“Get your damn hands off me. I’m not a cripple.”

“Just let me help you up, dad. I don’t need you falling or anything.”

He reared back his arm and brought it forward, his fist connecting with my jaw. “Fuck! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“I told you to get your damn hands off me!” I didn’t help him into the passenger side.

He managed to climb into the passenger seat while I rounded the truck, climbed in, and turned over the engine. We drove in silence. Thick silence, suffocating, like a humid marsh day in the height of July. I kept my eyes fixed on the road ahead, the streetlights blurring together. His gaze burned the side of my face. I didn’t look at him.

“Gerri told me you’re going back soon.” “Yeah, in a few weeks.”

“Going back to college to forget about your old man.”

“Lots of people go to college. It has nothing to do with you.”

“You always did have a superiority complex. Too smart.” He grabbed a cigarette from the cupholder.

“And your mother fed into it too much,” he continued on, “made you think your something more than you are.” He glanced over at me, hoping his words were hitting their mark.

They probably were.

“You do know what you are, don’t ya? You’re white trash. White trash like Gerri. White trash like your mother. White trash like me.”

He took a puff of his cigarette. “Those college folks, hell the world, don’t want white trash like you and me.”

My dad took another drag from his cigarette. The ashes fell to the floor. He laid his head back and closed his eyes.

The gravel of the driveway crunched as we pulled up to the house. I cut the ignition. I threw open the door of my truck and took the front steps two at a time. If the old man was well enough to throw punches, he was well enough to get into the damn house by himself.

I threw my boots off at the door and headed down the hall towards the bathroom. “Lousy son of a bitch! Where’s my bottles?!”

I turned the shower on.

I inhaled deeply. I could smell the sweat, and saltwater of the bay. I shed my clothes and stepped under the stream of hot water.

It was quiet, the only sound the water. And then banging on the door.

“Hurry up, I need to get in there. I smell like fried fish.” “Damn Gerri, just give me a minute!”

“Are you going to Billy’s tonight? Ange invited me.” “Wasn’t planning on it.”

I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair

was too long. I needed to get Gerri to cut it again. My arms and face were tan, but my stomach and chest were pale. It highlighted the old, dotted burn scars.

Gerri burst through the door.

“Hey! I’m not a little kid anymore, you can’t just burst in on me in the shower.” “Whatever. I used to bathe you. It’s nothing new.”

“You’re weird.”

“Why don’t you come tonight. It’ll be one of the last times you get to see everyone ‘til winter break. Danny should be there too.”

“I feel like you just want a ride, and you don’t want to ask what’s his face since you had that fight or whatever.”

“You suck.”

I could hear the water running again as I crossed the hall into my room. I figured I had a couple hours before she convinced me to take her to the damn party. Now would probably be a good time to start the pile of summer coursework that sat on my desk. But I laid down and fell asleep.

*********************************************************************************************

I threw my bottle cap on Billy’s coffee table. It skidded to a stop beside the overflowing ashtray and the half-drunk bottle of southern comfort. Gerri had ditched me as soon as we walked through the door. She was probably out back playing slap cup or something. Danny, the bastard, still wasn’t here.

“Hey man, how’s the bay treating you this summer?” I looked up to see Billy taking a seat across from me in one of the lawn chairs that had been set up inside his living room for the party.

“Can’t complain I guess.”

“You know, I’ll miss this when you go back to college in a couple weeks. Who’s gonna sit sullenly on my couch and answer everyone’s questions in terse sentences?”

I chuckled, taking another sip of my beer. “Terse? Wow, someone’s upping their vocabulary.” “So man, how are classes treating ya?”

“Fine.”

“Gerri said you were doing some fancy science shit or something.” “Yeah, something like that.”

I took another swig of my beer.

“Well, which was your favorite class?” “Jesus, Billy. What’s with the third degree?” “Sorry for tryna have a conversation.”

“It’s fine. All the classes are fine. I just can’t really remember is all.” I took another swig of my beer.

His mouth opened as if he had something else to say, but a loud voice boomed over my head cutting him off. I turned around to see Chip leaning over the back of the couch, his arms draped down to my left.

“I’m surprised you’re still hanging around all us townies, college boy.” “Come on, Chip, leave him alone,” Billy interjected.

But Chip just chuckled, as if this was all in good fun. It usually never was.

“Come on man. I’m just glad we all get to see Mikey before he leaves us again. Me and Mikey here used to be real close. Ain’t that right, Mikey?”

“Yeah. Real close. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I can’t say that’s been my experience with you.”

I took another swig of my beer.

“Well, I know someone who doesn’t seem to miss you too much.” “Hey man, just lay off,” Billy said.

“What? He knows what I’m talking about, right Mikey?” “Yeah.”

I took another swig of my beer.

“Yeah, I heard Michelle is too busy taking that Ivy League dick to give you much thought.” “Yeah, probably.”

I finished my beer and reached for another one.

*********************************************************************************************

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

Blood trickled down my hand from where a stray wire had caught me. “Dude, you’ve been out of it all day. Too much fun at the party?”

“Like you would know. You ditched me.”

I wiped my blood on my jeans and started off the boat. My head still pounded as I drew a cigarette from my pocket. Danny offered me a light.

“I was busy.”

I exhaled smoke out of my mouth before taking another drag. Damn, my hand stung. “Busy my ass. It’s not like you have anything going on.”

Danny stopped walking. I looked at him. His eyes were on the ground. “What?”

“My uncle offered me a job. Said he’d let me work under him while I learned all the electrical stuff.”

“The uncle in North Carolina?” “Yeah, the one in North Carolina.”

I took another drag from my cigarette.

“He says I’d probably be able to take over eventually. You know, since he’s got no kids and all.” “Yeah, that’s good.” I threw my cigarette on the ground. “Anyways, I gotta go. Gerri’s working a double tonight.”

“Okay, man. I’ll see ya.”

I wrenched the door of my truck open and collapsed into the driver’s seat. The breeze blew off the bay. It played with the tall marsh grass.

I lit another cigarette.

The house was quiet when I got home. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and made my way to my room, avoiding the bathroom and the struggling sounds of my father inside it.

I opened up my computer. I stared at the screen, the cursor blinking next to problem number 3. I quickly gave up and scrolled on my phone. I saw Michelle’ face. I clicked.

So good to be back! Even just a week away was too much!

Yeah, I’m sure it was.

Can’t wait to see what Sophomore year brings!

I stared at the picture of Michelle. Stared at the empty computer screen. Stared at the picture on my desk of me and Danny at the Ravens game for my fourteenth birthday. Stared at the front cover of Thermodynamics 102. Stared at the crumpled academic probation letter.

And then I flung the book across my room. I could hear my dad retching down the hall.

I unzipped the bag on my floor and started to unpack.

– Helen Burgee